I’m turning 30 in a few days
Five years ago, I remember I wrote about numbers and my grandma when I turned 25. Now I am almost 30. I am getting older. Soon enough I will not be in all the lists and articles published almost daily — “101 things to do in your 20s”. I am feeling a bit old, that’s the truth, but that’s not really bad news. There are some good things that come with aging.
I grew. Not in size (at least not in height, but I have some kilograms that do not belong to me), but I naturally feel more mature. I am more patient and I am not putting too much expectation on others, or things, or anything. I am trying to find some kind of stillness, that I will be ok, no matter what. I already have been very frustrated, full of bitterness and sorrow, trying to achieve something that I believed. Seeking, almost blindingly. The result: I got sick. In the end I had what I was looking for, but did it pay off?
Today, it looks like I see things a bit clearer. I lost someone very close to me. It was very painful, but it gave me some kind of freedom. So, after all, things just end? Yes, things go. It was a shock of reality. You do all the stuff you do. You love. You work. You eat. Then, it ends. I already used to think like that. But what happened was very real; I felt it in my bones.
I am far from have a resolved life, at least in the traditional terms. I have not found a stable job yet or a nice girl, and I am still fighting daily with my hopes and dreams. It brings me a lot of anxiety. But I am trying not to feed the negativity and frustration. I am trying to think that there are some things that I believe and I am fighting for. I love music and science/philosophy. I do not really know what is going to happen in my life from here. But I will continue making music. I will continue making science. I will write. I will play. Perhaps, I will find next to the door some rewarding future. I do not know.
Also, I have my family with me now and some very good old friends — that is truly important to define who you are.
To finish my post, I will leave the link of my last track, kind of crazy with some funk/groove in it, that is just like to be in the 30s.